13 Simple Tips for Seriously Better Sex
Never in the mood! These surprising secrets will have you craving more by tonight.
By the editors of Prevention.com
Get Your Sex Drive Back
Can you remember the last time you couldn’t wait to get home and shimmy between the sheets?
Was it last week, last month? Last ... year! We get it: Sometimes it’s easier to give into your excuses—I’m too tired, let’s just do it this weekend, it doesn’t even feel that great to begin with. But we don’t need to tell you that sex is essential for a healthy marriage—and also a healthy you. Research shows that a happy sex life can stamp out stress, reduce heart disease risk, and even improve immunity. But, enough of the non-sexy talk. Try just one of these libido-lifting tricks today. You can thank us later.
1. Take a Lunchtime Stroll
Research shows that the more fit you are, the more sex you’ll crave.
In a study of women ages 45 to 55, sexual satisfaction correlated directly to fitness. "The less exercise they got, the lower their desire and sexual satisfaction," says study author Judith R. Gerber, PhD, a psychologist at the University of Vermont College of Medicine
2. Book a Rubdown
A pampering massage not only relieves stress ...
...but "the skin-on-skin contact stimulates the sex hormone oxytocin," says Ian Kerner, PhD, author of She Comes First. "The more oxytocin released, the more desire a woman will feel." If you don’t want to spring for a full hour-plus session (which can cost $100 or more), tack on a 10-minute session at the nail salon after a manicure.
3. Read Something Hot
Skip the evening news and flip through a sexy novel instead.
Erotic literature "can quickly jump-start arousal," says Carol Queen, PhD, a sexologist who works at Good Vibrations, a female-owned sex shop in San Francisco. She recommends the Herotica series, written by women, and The Diary of Anais Nin. "Perfect for anyone who's not ready to get into bold four-letter words," says Queen.
4. Get Really Relaxed
Just a few meditation sessions can jack up your sex drive and speed arousal.
Researchers at Canada's University of British Columbia and Israel's Hadassah University Hospital measured reactions among 24 women watching an erotic film, then again after the subjects had attended three mindfulness meditation courses. Watching the same movie, the women were markedly more turned on than during the first viewing. "Mindfulness can directly change brain processing and allow women to experience arousal more acutely," says study coauthor Lori Brotto, PhD.
5. Pop a Multi
Too tired to feel sexy? It may be a diet deficiency.
Two overlooked nutrients may be to blame for sex-derailing exhaustion. "Low folate levels can make you feel tired, with no energy for sex," says Martha Morris, PhD, a Tufts University researcher; national surveys show that many women aren't getting enough of this B vitamin. And low iron can deplete brain neurotransmitters, which can lead to lethargy, says Swiss researcher Bernard Favrat, MD. The fix for both problems: a daily multivitamin with 100% of the DV for iron (18 mg) and folate (400 mcg).
6. Break a Sweat Beforehand
Exercise primes your body to get in the mood.
For some people, exercising too close to bedtime makes it hard for them to sleep. Take advantage of that found energy. "After 35 to 40 minutes of moderate exercise, everything in your body is going right," says Janet Hyde, PhD, a professor of psychology and women's studies at the University of Wisconsin-Madison. "Your blood is circulating, your nervous system is firing, so scheduling sex right after you exercise makes for good sex."
7. Smell Your Way Sexy
These surprising scents will move you from the kitchen to the bedroom.
Cucumber, licorice, and baby powder have been shown to turn women on, increasing vaginal blood flow by 13%. Pumpkin pie and lavender increase blood flow by 11%. Try this: To cap a romantic dinner, serve pumpkin pie and keep a cucumber-scented sachet next to your pillow.
8. Ask About Those Little Blue Pills
The same meds that put your partner in the mood may also give your sex drive a lift.
Pills like Viagra increase blood flow to the genital area—something women need for arousal just as much as men do. Though the FDA hasn't approved the pill for women, doctors can prescribe it off-label. Ask your healthcare provider if these meds might help you too.
So if your sex drive stinks because your whoopee lacks whoop or your hormones are running amok, a physical boost may reignite interest, says Laura Berman, PhD, founder of the Berman Center. However, if you're slumped because you hate your thighs, resent your husband, or are simply more overworked than worked up, no pill will put you in the mood. It may just give you another headache—a common side effect. Your best bet is to work through those issues.
9. Check Your Medicine Cabinet
Any antidepressants in there? They could be stealing your orgasm.
Selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors (SSRIs), a class of drugs that includes Prozac and Zoloft, "are probably the number one cause of anorgasmia [inability to have an orgasm]," says Andrew Goldstein, MD, of the Sexual Wellness Center in Annapolis, MD. They short-circuit your pleasure center by decreasing levels of the brain chemical dopamine (one of the sexual triumvirate, along with estrogen and testosterone). "People on SSRIs can lack that full range of emotion. They don't get very depressed about anything, but they don't get very excited about anything, either," says Goldstein.
If that zombielike feeling is torpedoing your love life, ask your doctor whether you could switch to Wellbutrin, a drug that raises dopamine levels (preliminary studies show it may improve sexual desire in nondepressed women). One con: Wellbutrin can cause anxiety, which is common in depressed people. If you're taking a shorter-acting SSRI, such as Zoloft or the serotonin-norepinephrine reuptake inhibitor Effexor, you may be able—with your doc's okay—to take a short drug holiday. "If you don't take it Friday morning, on Friday night and Saturday you can have intercourse and have an orgasm," says Goldstein.
10. Patch It Up
If your sex drive has cooled down—because of hormone abnormalities or surgery—a testosterone patch may help rekindle your fire.
Over half of the 64 women who tried it in a University Hospitals of Cleveland study reported a big boost—nearly twice those with a placebo patch—resulting in four or five additional "satisfying" sexual episodes per month. Keep in mind: The patches are approved only for men, though about 20% are prescribed for women off-label.
11. Put a Stop to Distraction
It's not just those endless to-do lists that make your mind wander between the sheets. You're wired that way.
According to brain scan research, women's brains are naturally more active than men's, even during sex. The reason: lower levels of the neurotransmitter dopamine. "Dopamine creates the desire to go after a reward--in this case, an orgasm," explains Anita Clayton, MD, clinical professor of obstetrics and gynecology at the University of Virginia and author of Satisfaction: Women, Sex, and the Quest for Intimacy. Dopamine also increases the flow of sensory impulses to the genitals, essential for arousal. But low levels of dopamine caused by chronic stress or medical conditions can distract you during sex.
Ask your doctor about a supplement that contains the hormone DHEA, which normally spikes right before orgasm to enhance desire and focus, and may increase dopamine production. Taking 300 mg of DHEA an hour before sex significantly increased both mental and physical arousal in postmenopausal women, according to a study published in the Journal of Women's Health & Gender-Based Medicine. Clayton only recommends 25 to 50 mg and warns that DHEA can affect some people's cholesterol levels, however. So be sure to check with your doctor before taking it.
12. Keep It Simple
You don’t need 3 hours of mind-blowing bliss for a satisfying sex session.
Apparently, just 7 to 13 minutes of lovemaking is considered "desirable" by both men and women, shows research from Pennsylvania State University. To arrive at that number, researchers interviewed 34 of the country's top sex experts, who have collectively counseled many thousands of Americans on the topic—and it turns out that few gender differences exist on expectations of how long intercourse should ideally last. In fact, most adults deem even shorter romps of 3 to 7 minutes "adequate," the researchers found.
13. Just Do It!
So what if you're not exploding with desire?
Studies show that many women who report a lack of interest in sex respond just fine once they're in the midst. "Women assume that mental desire must precede physical arousal, and that if the desire isn't there, well, they must not like sex," says marital therapist Michele Weiner-Davis, author of The Sex Starved Marriage. "But for many women, that's not true. The next time your husband approaches you, just do it, she says. See if the light bulb turns on.
One common libido dampener for women who are years into a relationship: comparing their desire with the drive they felt in the early days of the union. "Don't wait for fireworks," Weiner-Davis says. "Work with the embers. You have to find out what you need to feel sexier. Go out and buy new underwear—not for him, but for you."
Saturday, July 11, 2009
8 Monumental Sexual Experiences You Must Have
8 Monumental Sexual Experiences You Must Have
By: Ted Spiker
There are moments in a man's life when good, wholesome sex becomes something more. When the bed rocks, the walls shake and the wildlife starts howling at the moon.
Rest up.
Tonight's going to be one of those nights.
I like to think of a man's sex life as the 11 o'clock SportsCenter. Besides a few bloopers and vital stats (97 seconds—a career high!), we keep a reel of sexual highlights—maybe it's our first home run, or an incomparable breast stroke, or that dramatic come-from-behind victory.
But what exactly makes the difference between a decent sex highlight and one you'll replay your whole life?
Depending on your preferences, it can be anything: urgent, sweaty, passionate, anonymous, long, short, in a cab, under a palm tree, with a palm tree, whatever. The defining characteristic is that it's just a heck of a lot better than the other 147 times you had sex this year.
Inspired to make more highlights, we pulled together a list of the eight most monumental sexual experiences in most men's lives and figured out why they're such milestones. The key in almost all of the instances is this: The hotter you make her, the hotter the sex will be. "A bonfire doesn't start instantly," says Lou Paget, author of The Big O. "You have to fuel it; you've got to light it." So here—in an effort to make once-in-a-lifetime experiences come more often—we provide the firewood and the gas. Your job: Light the match.
Wedding-Night Sex
Why it's monumental: It's her perfect day. She looks gorgeous (and she's been told that 493 times an hour). Her whole family is around her. And now she truly feels the comfort and security of having a husband.
Translation: "The reward system in her brain is going bonkers," says Helen Fisher, Ph.D., an anthropologist at Rutgers University and author of The First Sex. Physiologically, her feel-good chemicals—dopamine and epinephrine—are firing fast, meaning she's wired to feel euphoric and to give as much pleasure as she's receiving.
Have it tonight: Even if you went on your honeymoon 12 years ago, or don't plan on going on one for another 12 years, you can create the spark by triggering her reward system. Try these tricks:
In the morning, use a ballpoint pen to write a sexy note somewhere on her body. Try the top of her thigh (prime real estate, with minimum exposure to coworkers). "Women are turned on by words," Fisher says. Start with "I," end with "you," and use the verb of your choice in between. Giving her 9 or 10 hours to see, think about, and fantasize about your note starts the percolation process.
When she comes home, try this move. While facing her, hold her head with both of your hands, tilt her head back, and gently kiss the side of her neck. "If you touch a woman the way she wants to be touched, she'll be all over you," says Paget. That means staying away from your traditional "go to" spots and kissing the parts of her body you usually ignore, like the back of her hand, the inside of her elbow, or her hipbone.
Now that you're under the covers, expand your repertoire of oral sex—a nice reward in itself. Paget suggests the Kivin method: You lie perpendicular to her body, which allows you to stroke her clitoris with your tongue in a crosswise motion, rather than up and down. She'll appreciate the change in stimulation—hopefully, enough to return the reward.
Honey-I'm-Home Sex
Why it's monumental: If you haven't eaten all day, you pig out at dinner. Same with sex. If you're attached, a business trip equals massive sexual deprivation. It means the closest thing you're getting to regular sex is the midnight showing of the hotel's $14.99 adult movie. (Note: Titles do not appear on your bill.) So when you reach home, the deprivation turns into sexual gorging. "You usually find that this is the most romantic sex, because it starts out with long, luscious kisses that really get the juices flowing," says Ava Cadell, Ph.D., a California sexologist and author of Stock Market Orgasm.
Have it tonight: You can simulate this kind of passion—whether you've been away for 8 days or 8 minutes—by giving her this kind of kiss, and in this order.
Kiss her face all over—lightly.
Lick the outside of her lips.
Kiss her bottom lip. "There's a correlation between a woman's bottom lip and her vagina. Sucking gently on her lip will make her vagina swell," Cadell says.
Gently suck her tongue. Cadell says, "I call kissing facial intercourse—it's really erotic."
Makeup Sex
Why it's monumental: You yell, you scream, you break some dishes. Then you make up and head right to the bedroom, where there's more screaming. But this time, the only thing you're both breaking is the sound barrier (and maybe the headboard). "When you fight, anger drives up testosterone in both men and women. If you go to bed with increased testosterone and agitation, the sex drive is going to be stronger," Fisher says. "And more fantasies may flood your mind, which increases stimulation."
Have it tonight: You can reenact fighting—and the emotions that go along with it—without hurting each other, Cadell says. She suggests trying anything that will create a little physical tension between the two of you. Like . . .
Miniature golf. "You can do anything that's just a little competitive," says Gloria Brame, Ph.D., a clinical sexologist and author in Atlanta. "Once you start competing, you can get physical and really work each other up."
Pillow fights. "It starts her hair flying and her breasts moving, and even gets her gasping a little for breath," Brame says. "There's something very sexual about that."Naked wrestling. Hint: Let her win.
Breakup Sex
Why it's monumental: It's like the day before a diet. Tomorrow I'll start, but today I'm going to enjoy one last order of chicken wings. You've decided together that the relationship isn't working, but what the hey, one last tryst won't hurt anyone. And it winds up being better than any you've had in the past 6 months for two reasons.
One's physical: Fisher says that there's some speculation among researchers that in so-called last-chance copulation, a man may unknowingly alter the levels of certain hormones in his semen, and that may trigger his partner to ovulate spontaneously. In other words, your subconscious tries to hold on to the commitment by potentially impregnating her, even though you don't want to.
The other reason is psychological: "When you know you're never going to see someone again, you want to leave her wanting you—and you'll do anything to drive her out of her mind," says Cadell. "So you both end up concentrating on being uninhibited."
Have it tonight: To make a woman less inhibited, try to reduce her tension, says Brame. Try releasing it in her body—and in her brain.
Clean out the refrigerator (or anything that shortens her to-do list). Showing thoughtfulness and initiative will make her a more willing sex partner, says Paul Joannides, author of Guide to Getting It On. While researching his book, Joannides talked to a female "escort" who had a valuable insight about her customers: "She said, 'I don't get it. These guys would get a lot more sex at home if they'd spend their money on a maid or cleaning service rather than spending it on me.'"
When massaging her, focus only on her earlobes, hands, and lower back—the unsung erotic spots. Hit the lower spine not only because that's where she stores a lot of tension, but also because you'll reach her pleasure zones in a more indirect path. Brame says, "This area is a nerve center with connections all over, so rubbing her lower spine could make her feel tingly in front."
Birthday Sex
Why it's monumental: It's clear who's doing the giving and who's doing the receiving—which means there's no pressure for the receiver to reciprocate, says Cadell. Because of that, there's a huge buildup of anticipation for the birthday boy. I wonder what she's going to give me this year!
Have it tonight: For the 363 days of nonbirthday sex, you need to build that same anticipation between the two of you. You do it for her = she'll do it for you next time. Try this:
Tell her you want to take her somewhere special tonight. Then ask if she'll leave her underwear at home.
Take her to a place that plays Latin music. "Latin dancing is very sexual, especially the movement of the pelvis," Cadell says.
When you're back home, you can give her your present: the ultimate mind-blowing orgasm. Have her get on top of you and tilt her hips forward a little so that her clitoris hits your pelvis. The tilting also means your penis will hit her G-spot. Those two spots will be plenty, but for extra pleasure, seek out and caress or lightly stimulate other sensitive areas—her lips, her nipples, her bottom—with your hands or fingers. The goal: sensory pleasure. Work as many angles as you can dream up; she'll let you know what's working.
First-Time-with-Her Sex
Why it's monumental: "It's exciting because of the discovery quotient," says Louanne Cole Weston, Ph.D., a licensed marriage and family therapist in California. "You're really tuned in to every sense, and you're feeling things for the first time." Another factor: Many men, especially those in long-term relationships, create a formula for what sex should be like. When that formula changes—as it often does with a new woman—it heightens excitement.
Have it tonight: Maybe it's not your first time with her but your 501st. The key is playing with your senses—>or at least stimulating them in a new way. "When you take away one of the senses, the others work overtime," says Cadell. Here are a few ways to change the sensory experience.
Try Cadell's honey game: You're blindfolded; she hides a dab of honey somewhere on her body. You try to find it—using only your tongue.Take a swig of champagne, then kiss her body while it's still in your mouth. The fizz will tingle.
Tie each other's feet together with her panty hose. Mild bondage heightens sexual urgency, Paget says.
Vacation Sex
Why it's monumental: First, you're free from all the things that stress you out—the job, the bills, another late-season Red Sox fold. But the second reason Aruba sex is hotter than subdivision sex is the change in scenery. "There's a marking-the-territory factor for most men and women," Weston says. "Sex on vacation is a virginal experience in a way."
Have it tonight: From the simple to the extravagant, you can take a vacation day any day (boss be damned!):
Turn upside down on the bed—feet at the pillow end. "Even doing something simple like hitting the bed at a different angle or sitting or standing up on the bed will add extra stimulation," Weston says.
Change the order of foreplay. "Remove the dip test from your repertoire," Paget says. "Any woman hates the kiss, kiss, kiss, tweak, tweak, tweak the nipple, dip, dip, dip to see if she's lubricated. That's a major turnoff." Instead, try kissing her neck, her inner thigh, then her pinkie finger or wherever else.
Move up and down her body like Ray Charles on ivory so she doesn't know where you're going next.
Check into an adult motel on your lunch hour. "That's a pretty short vacation," Cadell says. In Los Angeles, a hotel called Splash features Jacuzzis in themed rooms that you can rent by the hour. But you can go to any hotel, then serve her lunch. "One study showed that black licorice increases bloodflow to her genital area by 40 percent, but any food that's phallic can be an aphrodisiac for her," Cadell says. Save room for dessert.
Let's-Have-a-Baby Sex
Why it's monumental: Many couples feel an intense emotional connection the first time they start trying to have a baby. "For some, it's a very primal experience," Weston says. "For so long you've avoided pregnancy, but now you're ready to be a dad. Saying you want to have a baby with someone is very romantic."
Have it tonight: Start this way.
Put flower petals on the top of a ceiling fan. Turn it on when she lies down.
Have sex side by side. It's the most equal of the sexual positions. If you're facing each other, there's more of an emotional bond than when one is on top of the other, Weston says.
Play your wedding song in the background. "If something has special meaning to you both, bring it to the bedroom because it creates a special connection between the two of you," Brame says. "Hopefully that special connection isn't a bottle of Jack."
By: Ted Spiker
There are moments in a man's life when good, wholesome sex becomes something more. When the bed rocks, the walls shake and the wildlife starts howling at the moon.
Rest up.
Tonight's going to be one of those nights.
I like to think of a man's sex life as the 11 o'clock SportsCenter. Besides a few bloopers and vital stats (97 seconds—a career high!), we keep a reel of sexual highlights—maybe it's our first home run, or an incomparable breast stroke, or that dramatic come-from-behind victory.
But what exactly makes the difference between a decent sex highlight and one you'll replay your whole life?
Depending on your preferences, it can be anything: urgent, sweaty, passionate, anonymous, long, short, in a cab, under a palm tree, with a palm tree, whatever. The defining characteristic is that it's just a heck of a lot better than the other 147 times you had sex this year.
Inspired to make more highlights, we pulled together a list of the eight most monumental sexual experiences in most men's lives and figured out why they're such milestones. The key in almost all of the instances is this: The hotter you make her, the hotter the sex will be. "A bonfire doesn't start instantly," says Lou Paget, author of The Big O. "You have to fuel it; you've got to light it." So here—in an effort to make once-in-a-lifetime experiences come more often—we provide the firewood and the gas. Your job: Light the match.
Wedding-Night Sex
Why it's monumental: It's her perfect day. She looks gorgeous (and she's been told that 493 times an hour). Her whole family is around her. And now she truly feels the comfort and security of having a husband.
Translation: "The reward system in her brain is going bonkers," says Helen Fisher, Ph.D., an anthropologist at Rutgers University and author of The First Sex. Physiologically, her feel-good chemicals—dopamine and epinephrine—are firing fast, meaning she's wired to feel euphoric and to give as much pleasure as she's receiving.
Have it tonight: Even if you went on your honeymoon 12 years ago, or don't plan on going on one for another 12 years, you can create the spark by triggering her reward system. Try these tricks:
In the morning, use a ballpoint pen to write a sexy note somewhere on her body. Try the top of her thigh (prime real estate, with minimum exposure to coworkers). "Women are turned on by words," Fisher says. Start with "I," end with "you," and use the verb of your choice in between. Giving her 9 or 10 hours to see, think about, and fantasize about your note starts the percolation process.
When she comes home, try this move. While facing her, hold her head with both of your hands, tilt her head back, and gently kiss the side of her neck. "If you touch a woman the way she wants to be touched, she'll be all over you," says Paget. That means staying away from your traditional "go to" spots and kissing the parts of her body you usually ignore, like the back of her hand, the inside of her elbow, or her hipbone.
Now that you're under the covers, expand your repertoire of oral sex—a nice reward in itself. Paget suggests the Kivin method: You lie perpendicular to her body, which allows you to stroke her clitoris with your tongue in a crosswise motion, rather than up and down. She'll appreciate the change in stimulation—hopefully, enough to return the reward.
Honey-I'm-Home Sex
Why it's monumental: If you haven't eaten all day, you pig out at dinner. Same with sex. If you're attached, a business trip equals massive sexual deprivation. It means the closest thing you're getting to regular sex is the midnight showing of the hotel's $14.99 adult movie. (Note: Titles do not appear on your bill.) So when you reach home, the deprivation turns into sexual gorging. "You usually find that this is the most romantic sex, because it starts out with long, luscious kisses that really get the juices flowing," says Ava Cadell, Ph.D., a California sexologist and author of Stock Market Orgasm.
Have it tonight: You can simulate this kind of passion—whether you've been away for 8 days or 8 minutes—by giving her this kind of kiss, and in this order.
Kiss her face all over—lightly.
Lick the outside of her lips.
Kiss her bottom lip. "There's a correlation between a woman's bottom lip and her vagina. Sucking gently on her lip will make her vagina swell," Cadell says.
Gently suck her tongue. Cadell says, "I call kissing facial intercourse—it's really erotic."
Makeup Sex
Why it's monumental: You yell, you scream, you break some dishes. Then you make up and head right to the bedroom, where there's more screaming. But this time, the only thing you're both breaking is the sound barrier (and maybe the headboard). "When you fight, anger drives up testosterone in both men and women. If you go to bed with increased testosterone and agitation, the sex drive is going to be stronger," Fisher says. "And more fantasies may flood your mind, which increases stimulation."
Have it tonight: You can reenact fighting—and the emotions that go along with it—without hurting each other, Cadell says. She suggests trying anything that will create a little physical tension between the two of you. Like . . .
Miniature golf. "You can do anything that's just a little competitive," says Gloria Brame, Ph.D., a clinical sexologist and author in Atlanta. "Once you start competing, you can get physical and really work each other up."
Pillow fights. "It starts her hair flying and her breasts moving, and even gets her gasping a little for breath," Brame says. "There's something very sexual about that."Naked wrestling. Hint: Let her win.
Breakup Sex
Why it's monumental: It's like the day before a diet. Tomorrow I'll start, but today I'm going to enjoy one last order of chicken wings. You've decided together that the relationship isn't working, but what the hey, one last tryst won't hurt anyone. And it winds up being better than any you've had in the past 6 months for two reasons.
One's physical: Fisher says that there's some speculation among researchers that in so-called last-chance copulation, a man may unknowingly alter the levels of certain hormones in his semen, and that may trigger his partner to ovulate spontaneously. In other words, your subconscious tries to hold on to the commitment by potentially impregnating her, even though you don't want to.
The other reason is psychological: "When you know you're never going to see someone again, you want to leave her wanting you—and you'll do anything to drive her out of her mind," says Cadell. "So you both end up concentrating on being uninhibited."
Have it tonight: To make a woman less inhibited, try to reduce her tension, says Brame. Try releasing it in her body—and in her brain.
Clean out the refrigerator (or anything that shortens her to-do list). Showing thoughtfulness and initiative will make her a more willing sex partner, says Paul Joannides, author of Guide to Getting It On. While researching his book, Joannides talked to a female "escort" who had a valuable insight about her customers: "She said, 'I don't get it. These guys would get a lot more sex at home if they'd spend their money on a maid or cleaning service rather than spending it on me.'"
When massaging her, focus only on her earlobes, hands, and lower back—the unsung erotic spots. Hit the lower spine not only because that's where she stores a lot of tension, but also because you'll reach her pleasure zones in a more indirect path. Brame says, "This area is a nerve center with connections all over, so rubbing her lower spine could make her feel tingly in front."
Birthday Sex
Why it's monumental: It's clear who's doing the giving and who's doing the receiving—which means there's no pressure for the receiver to reciprocate, says Cadell. Because of that, there's a huge buildup of anticipation for the birthday boy. I wonder what she's going to give me this year!
Have it tonight: For the 363 days of nonbirthday sex, you need to build that same anticipation between the two of you. You do it for her = she'll do it for you next time. Try this:
Tell her you want to take her somewhere special tonight. Then ask if she'll leave her underwear at home.
Take her to a place that plays Latin music. "Latin dancing is very sexual, especially the movement of the pelvis," Cadell says.
When you're back home, you can give her your present: the ultimate mind-blowing orgasm. Have her get on top of you and tilt her hips forward a little so that her clitoris hits your pelvis. The tilting also means your penis will hit her G-spot. Those two spots will be plenty, but for extra pleasure, seek out and caress or lightly stimulate other sensitive areas—her lips, her nipples, her bottom—with your hands or fingers. The goal: sensory pleasure. Work as many angles as you can dream up; she'll let you know what's working.
First-Time-with-Her Sex
Why it's monumental: "It's exciting because of the discovery quotient," says Louanne Cole Weston, Ph.D., a licensed marriage and family therapist in California. "You're really tuned in to every sense, and you're feeling things for the first time." Another factor: Many men, especially those in long-term relationships, create a formula for what sex should be like. When that formula changes—as it often does with a new woman—it heightens excitement.
Have it tonight: Maybe it's not your first time with her but your 501st. The key is playing with your senses—>or at least stimulating them in a new way. "When you take away one of the senses, the others work overtime," says Cadell. Here are a few ways to change the sensory experience.
Try Cadell's honey game: You're blindfolded; she hides a dab of honey somewhere on her body. You try to find it—using only your tongue.Take a swig of champagne, then kiss her body while it's still in your mouth. The fizz will tingle.
Tie each other's feet together with her panty hose. Mild bondage heightens sexual urgency, Paget says.
Vacation Sex
Why it's monumental: First, you're free from all the things that stress you out—the job, the bills, another late-season Red Sox fold. But the second reason Aruba sex is hotter than subdivision sex is the change in scenery. "There's a marking-the-territory factor for most men and women," Weston says. "Sex on vacation is a virginal experience in a way."
Have it tonight: From the simple to the extravagant, you can take a vacation day any day (boss be damned!):
Turn upside down on the bed—feet at the pillow end. "Even doing something simple like hitting the bed at a different angle or sitting or standing up on the bed will add extra stimulation," Weston says.
Change the order of foreplay. "Remove the dip test from your repertoire," Paget says. "Any woman hates the kiss, kiss, kiss, tweak, tweak, tweak the nipple, dip, dip, dip to see if she's lubricated. That's a major turnoff." Instead, try kissing her neck, her inner thigh, then her pinkie finger or wherever else.
Move up and down her body like Ray Charles on ivory so she doesn't know where you're going next.
Check into an adult motel on your lunch hour. "That's a pretty short vacation," Cadell says. In Los Angeles, a hotel called Splash features Jacuzzis in themed rooms that you can rent by the hour. But you can go to any hotel, then serve her lunch. "One study showed that black licorice increases bloodflow to her genital area by 40 percent, but any food that's phallic can be an aphrodisiac for her," Cadell says. Save room for dessert.
Let's-Have-a-Baby Sex
Why it's monumental: Many couples feel an intense emotional connection the first time they start trying to have a baby. "For some, it's a very primal experience," Weston says. "For so long you've avoided pregnancy, but now you're ready to be a dad. Saying you want to have a baby with someone is very romantic."
Have it tonight: Start this way.
Put flower petals on the top of a ceiling fan. Turn it on when she lies down.
Have sex side by side. It's the most equal of the sexual positions. If you're facing each other, there's more of an emotional bond than when one is on top of the other, Weston says.
Play your wedding song in the background. "If something has special meaning to you both, bring it to the bedroom because it creates a special connection between the two of you," Brame says. "Hopefully that special connection isn't a bottle of Jack."
His Most Private Health Risk
His Most Private Health Risk
Erectile dysfunction is a leading indicator of heart trouble. Keep him--and your romance--healthy with our tips.
Turn on the TV, and you'll likely see an ad hyping erection-boosting drugs. But erectile dysfunction, or ED, is a health issue that's rarely mentioned in any other context. It should be--and not for the obvious reasons. Although an injury or a psychological trigger such as depression can cause ED, many studies show that repeated difficulty having or sustaining an erection is a serious indicator of heart trouble, especially with age. "When a man walks into a doctor's office complaining of erection problems, chances are his heart is in trouble as well," says Irwin Goldstein, MD, director of sexual medicine at Alvarado Hospital in San Diego.
Urologist Ian M. Thompson, MD, of the University of Texas Health Science Center at San Antonio, revealed the extent of the problem when he reported in the Journal of the American Medical Association (JAMA), that men ages 55 and older with ED have a 55% greater risk of developing cardiovascular disease, resulting in a heart attack or stroke, than men without this problem.
The older a man gets, the more likely he'll experience ED. Prevalence soars from 9% in 40-something men to 15% for those in their 50s and 29% for those between 60 and 69, according to a study in the Journal of Sexual Medicine. If your partner is experiencing ED, he should review his heart health with his primary care physician and perhaps visit a cardiologist as well.
ED and heart health are linked because both depend on tiny arteries. Vessels in the penis, which deliver the blood that causes this organ to expand, are just as susceptible to narrowing and clogging as those in a man's heart, says Goldstein. Because penile arteries are smaller than those in the heart, they're often the first to show effects of bad habits, such as smoking or eating fatty foods.
If your partner's ED means he has heart issues, his cardiologist may okay Viagra or other ED drugs if the cardiac problems are not extensive, says Thompson. Who can't use them: those with serious heart disease and those who take nitrate medicines. (Men with diabetes can use ED drugs but may find they don't work well.)
Medication isn't the only choice, though. Experts say lifestyle changes can improve ED and even reverse it in some cases--and they'll certainly do his heart good. Here are six options:
Lose Weight. Simply shedding pounds allowed one-third of obese midlife men with ED to regain, within 2 years, their ability to have an erection, reported Italian scientists in JAMA. The extra weight restricts blood flow and increases inflammation in blood vessels, upping risk of both ED and heart disease. The researchers say that the men in the study reversed these changes by cutting calories to about 1,700 per day during the first year of the study and to 1,900 after that. They also exercised--walking, swimming, or playing aerobic sports such as soccer-- for about 3 hours per week.
Start Moving. No matter what a man's weight is, exercise can help solve ED issues, says Elizabeth Selvin, PhD, MPH, an assistant professor of epidemiology and medicine at the Johns Hopkins Bloomberg School of Public Health. The more energetic the activity, the better. After analyzing a nationwide health and nutrition survey, she reported that men who work out vigorously have an ED risk of just 10%. In contrast, moderate exercisers more than double their risk (22%); sedentary men hit 26%.
But beware: If the exercise a man chooses is bicycling, he should use a wide, noseless seat, not a long, narrow one, researchers say. Narrow seats press on the groin's nerves and blood vessels, affecting blood supply to the penis.
Stop Smoking. According to Thompson, smokers have a 60% higher risk of ED. "Smoking affects the ability of blood vessels to expand and produce an erection," he explains. Nearly 23% of ED in Chinese men ages 35 to 74 was linked to cigarette smoking, report experts at Tulane University. And the more a man lit up, the more problems he experienced: Those who smoked up to 10 cigarettes per day had a 27% greater chance of developing ED, while those who smoked more than 20 cigarettes daily were 65% more likely to have the condition.
Cut Back on Alcohol. Even a drink or two can affect some men's ability to have and sustain an erection. An analysis published in the International Journal of Impotence Research in 2007 found that downing eight or more drinks per week seems to raise the risk of ED, though the reason is unclear.
Fend Off Diabetes. A study by Selvin found that 50% of males with type 2 diabetes have ED. Other studies have found that men with diabetes have lower testosterone levels, which affects libido. However, Selvin says, a man can reduce his probability of getting diabetes by using diet and exercise to avoid what is often its precursor: metabolic syndrome, a constellation of traits including high cholesterol, high blood pressure, and excess abdominal fat.
Get Him Talking. For some men with ED, it's not all physiology. Psychological issues may also be to blame-- and talking can help. According to a Cochrane Collaboration Systematic Review, 95% of the men in a psychotherapy group who discussed their ED with fellow sufferers said good-bye to persistent problems with erectile dysfunction, while others without treatment had no improvement. A man can find a group with the assistance of his physician or a therapist.
Erectile dysfunction is a leading indicator of heart trouble. Keep him--and your romance--healthy with our tips.
Turn on the TV, and you'll likely see an ad hyping erection-boosting drugs. But erectile dysfunction, or ED, is a health issue that's rarely mentioned in any other context. It should be--and not for the obvious reasons. Although an injury or a psychological trigger such as depression can cause ED, many studies show that repeated difficulty having or sustaining an erection is a serious indicator of heart trouble, especially with age. "When a man walks into a doctor's office complaining of erection problems, chances are his heart is in trouble as well," says Irwin Goldstein, MD, director of sexual medicine at Alvarado Hospital in San Diego.
Urologist Ian M. Thompson, MD, of the University of Texas Health Science Center at San Antonio, revealed the extent of the problem when he reported in the Journal of the American Medical Association (JAMA), that men ages 55 and older with ED have a 55% greater risk of developing cardiovascular disease, resulting in a heart attack or stroke, than men without this problem.
The older a man gets, the more likely he'll experience ED. Prevalence soars from 9% in 40-something men to 15% for those in their 50s and 29% for those between 60 and 69, according to a study in the Journal of Sexual Medicine. If your partner is experiencing ED, he should review his heart health with his primary care physician and perhaps visit a cardiologist as well.
ED and heart health are linked because both depend on tiny arteries. Vessels in the penis, which deliver the blood that causes this organ to expand, are just as susceptible to narrowing and clogging as those in a man's heart, says Goldstein. Because penile arteries are smaller than those in the heart, they're often the first to show effects of bad habits, such as smoking or eating fatty foods.
If your partner's ED means he has heart issues, his cardiologist may okay Viagra or other ED drugs if the cardiac problems are not extensive, says Thompson. Who can't use them: those with serious heart disease and those who take nitrate medicines. (Men with diabetes can use ED drugs but may find they don't work well.)
Medication isn't the only choice, though. Experts say lifestyle changes can improve ED and even reverse it in some cases--and they'll certainly do his heart good. Here are six options:
Lose Weight. Simply shedding pounds allowed one-third of obese midlife men with ED to regain, within 2 years, their ability to have an erection, reported Italian scientists in JAMA. The extra weight restricts blood flow and increases inflammation in blood vessels, upping risk of both ED and heart disease. The researchers say that the men in the study reversed these changes by cutting calories to about 1,700 per day during the first year of the study and to 1,900 after that. They also exercised--walking, swimming, or playing aerobic sports such as soccer-- for about 3 hours per week.
Start Moving. No matter what a man's weight is, exercise can help solve ED issues, says Elizabeth Selvin, PhD, MPH, an assistant professor of epidemiology and medicine at the Johns Hopkins Bloomberg School of Public Health. The more energetic the activity, the better. After analyzing a nationwide health and nutrition survey, she reported that men who work out vigorously have an ED risk of just 10%. In contrast, moderate exercisers more than double their risk (22%); sedentary men hit 26%.
But beware: If the exercise a man chooses is bicycling, he should use a wide, noseless seat, not a long, narrow one, researchers say. Narrow seats press on the groin's nerves and blood vessels, affecting blood supply to the penis.
Stop Smoking. According to Thompson, smokers have a 60% higher risk of ED. "Smoking affects the ability of blood vessels to expand and produce an erection," he explains. Nearly 23% of ED in Chinese men ages 35 to 74 was linked to cigarette smoking, report experts at Tulane University. And the more a man lit up, the more problems he experienced: Those who smoked up to 10 cigarettes per day had a 27% greater chance of developing ED, while those who smoked more than 20 cigarettes daily were 65% more likely to have the condition.
Cut Back on Alcohol. Even a drink or two can affect some men's ability to have and sustain an erection. An analysis published in the International Journal of Impotence Research in 2007 found that downing eight or more drinks per week seems to raise the risk of ED, though the reason is unclear.
Fend Off Diabetes. A study by Selvin found that 50% of males with type 2 diabetes have ED. Other studies have found that men with diabetes have lower testosterone levels, which affects libido. However, Selvin says, a man can reduce his probability of getting diabetes by using diet and exercise to avoid what is often its precursor: metabolic syndrome, a constellation of traits including high cholesterol, high blood pressure, and excess abdominal fat.
Get Him Talking. For some men with ED, it's not all physiology. Psychological issues may also be to blame-- and talking can help. According to a Cochrane Collaboration Systematic Review, 95% of the men in a psychotherapy group who discussed their ED with fellow sufferers said good-bye to persistent problems with erectile dysfunction, while others without treatment had no improvement. A man can find a group with the assistance of his physician or a therapist.
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